PAGE ENTRY #1
First Monday classes started simple enough, we went through a process of just talking to ourselves and recognizing patterns of the stuff we liked. Asking the bigger questions of what occupies our cognitive ability to create. From dissecting these questions, Ive come to realize that while I do have a plethora of interests, they share a common denominator of aesthetic, plot, genre, etc. Whether or not it appeals to me visually, the sentimental value of how a piece of media connects to me is the definitive reason why I like something in the first place (Im easily amused by anything and anyone, but in a really specific way.)

I guess it stems from how I was raised; Being exposed to western animated movies, cartoons, and comics at a young age cemented my preferences in art and has also shaped my personality. Ive already built a library of special interests/hyperfixations inside of my head, so it wasn't difficult at all when being asked to self reflect;

WHAT DO YOU KEEP MAKING?

Medium wise; collages, assemblage, paintings, illustrations with hand and handler, digital art | adjacent to textural art via usage of brushes, pallette knives, ink and pen, mischellaneous objects, airbrush (I hope to do this soon) clay, mosaic and many more ^_^

WHAT CONVERSATIONS DO YOU KEEP REPEATING?

Nostalgia, a loss and gain of identity, justice and injustice, to go beyong evolution and human comprehension, personalizing objects and concepts that do not have a human concious, anthromorphism, big fan of alice in wonderland, usage of unconventional means of escapism, autonomy when its dictated or placed in another vessel thats reflected to the self, the desire to enforce an identity by reinactment, sensation of kinship to the unknown.

WHAT BELIEFS DO YOU NOW QUESTION?

With the way how jumbled my brain is naturally, I often live life questioning a persons principles and what really makes that principle euthentic or was it really euthentic at all? I remember being in a flow state when answering this question during class; I rambled how I made an example of deltarune; It keeps surprising me with each new chapter that comes out, its one of those games where you are given the ultimatum of choice, while actively warning you of the consequences of your actions. I love it because toby fox isnt afraid to make his characters realistic and full of flaws, and how you as the player are burdened with the task of responsibility. The game is sentient and is aware of your presence, musch like how life itself is inherently sentient with the eyes constantly around you, even yourself.

WHAT INJUSTICES DO YOU SEE THAT OTHERS DO NOT?

I feel strongly about the worldwide phenomenon of just because you are a part of said minority does not mean you cannot be any less bigoted than "bigoted people". The social "standard" of a what a bigot looks like is probably a white guy named dave who wears his maga hat with pride and has 50 failed marriages. Which can be true, however, does this entail that a bigot is only classified by their sole appearance and social status? Are we excluding the fact that a person of color isn't able to hold and inflict prejudice? Double standards within a community is overlooked for the sake of keeping up with appearances. People preach for creative liberty and shunning outside world judgement until the subject of a concept is ACTUALLY outside the binary. Funnily enough, these same people who are fighting against the oppressors, shortly adapt their behaviors.

MATERIALS THAT I KEEP RETURNING TO?

Scraps, mostly recyclable items and momentos that already exist at home, things that are familiar to medias that I already like. Paint and illustrative works on paper, ive always been a girl that loves to physically connect with the art i make. digital apps and tweaking with the settings, taking advantage of the internet UI.

PAGE ENTRY #2
We were tasked to make a presentation about a visual mood board and sets of reoccuring words regarding the possible influences of our three proposal topics. I decided to mash them both because I didn't like the thought of separating the two. In the end, it was a requirement anyway so all is fine. I don't have the brain capacity to make a interactible gallery yet (lee watch out) so ill have to make due with only listing said words aka my mind map.

ILLUSTRATION

🐞impasto, impressionism/surrealism/favuism/cubism/abstract, pallette knives, shapes and lines, imprinting objects onto a canvas like brushes, airbrush, oil pastel, 3D aspects, rough texture

ANTHROMORPHISM

🐞 amalgamation, abstraction, mimicry, outside the binary, customization of the sex and identity, alice in wonderland

SCIENCE FICTION

🐞 UI used as escapism, internet influence on identity, exposure, pushing past the boundaries of human expression, finding sublime in the chaotic creation of the mind rather than nature itself, synthetic kinship, evoluation

SIMULATION

🐞 insitgated by real life cameras, social awareness, simply existing in the world, acceptance, art used as a shied, secret messages unable to take things seriously, the truman show

AUTONOMY

🐞 materialized into another being, dictated, the reality of flesh and bone minus the consciousness

HUMANIZATION OF CONCEPTS AND OBJECTS

🐞 uncomfortability within the human skin, drought and in search of intimacy, undiagnosed disability, emotional attachment to the non-existent, hoarding vs collecitng, finding comfort in the fort you've built, assignment of the self

THE INTENSITY TO OWN AND DISCARD

I often question the psychology of what makes people crave the intensity to own something but then discard it after, kind of taking into account the reality that everything is temporary. From memories, objects, people, and yet we are built to often obsess over these things. And what happens if that sort of nature gets removed or amplified to extreme means?

THIRD PERSPECTIVE AUTONOMY

Dissecting utonomy is one of those things where its a common trope in media, but I like when the autonomy itself is presented as a whole nother separate entity. To haggle another persons control but it also creates another paradox when the autonomy itself is humanized. Who really gets to decide? What am I when the conciousness is removed from the flesh and bone? What is the difference between the vessel and the mind? Can I / Have I been living past lives all this time?

I genuinely feel like multiple people sometimes when i think too hard on this, add the whole "what if god was just a man, that being you?" random youtube video that drove me crazy the first time i watched it.

IDENTITY BEYOND HUMAN COMPREHENSION

the authentic self, identity beyond human perception and is it really necessary to fit into these norms? Cant a person label themselves or express themselves through unconventional means? Thats why im really into things such as sci-fi or cartoonish riddled things because its sort of a gateway to bending the rules of reality that you cant do in real life. An amalgamation of what the human body could really become in our modern day definition of dystopia. I remembered this one guy that was like in a really old TLC episode, he was notorious for having done like alot of surgical stuff to his face to look like a cat. BIG FAN.

PAGE ENTRY #3
Succesfully made it out alive of my first input to my pre-thesis!! I had so much fun despite the frustrations I went through just to get it done. Luckily, I managed to piece it all together concisely. My professors and seniors loved it, which I'm extremely flattered about. It's exhilirating when the work you've been doubting about garners the opposite reaction.

The critiques I've recieved opened up the realization of what further expansions I could make with this movie poster thing Im going for; A teaser about the journey of my gender? neurodivergence? social standing of ethnicity? latching over concepts? creating a familiarity of an empty space? Theres genuinely so much on my brain that I can't wait to explore. Cross referencing the medias that have been suggested for me to check out, Ive practically been overdosing on art these past few months.

For my next painting, Ive been itching to cover these new brainworms;

PARASITIC RELATIONSHIPS WITH OBJECTS

There isn't a definitive reason why we collect/hold preference for things even when stated, we like to pretend that we're aware of our subconcioussness when we truly don't know why and how. We learn from the first things we see aka parental figures upon early childhood, so the things in your head did not "come from out of nowhere", everything that is taught is learned. Familiarity/conformaity is our saving grace. One could argue that the instinct of nature is the defined proof, everything stems from our original motives of survival, but even so we still ponder; Were we ever supposed to get this concious in evolution anyway? Is there a point to all that we do and say? Why do we repress (in addition, feel shame) the tendency of wanting to be something less as a stress response to all that is oppressive in todays world? In relation to myself, Im always trying to find myself in everyone and everything because there is no end to what becomes of being human is. We look for the final statement when there wasnt supposed to be one in the first place.

Concepts and objects are digested easily due to non-existent autonomy and reciprocation, making it easier than it is to be vulnerable with another human being. And yet, we enforce our ideations and reflections anyway as a reclaimation of control. There is some degree of fetishization (not necessarily sexual) in the grand scheme of supply and demand, we are a part of that system. Rooted in desire, we are wired to want and reach for said familiarity. Even when that connection is severed, we keep it out of? For the sake of routine? Obligation? Empathy? We treat objects just like another human, the lack of consequences is the direct appeal.

PARENTAL INFLUENCE ON EARLY/LATE DEVELOPMENT

i have to mention sigmund freud in this bitch bruh oh my godd but its more of the debunking jacques lacan i love you bruh

COMMITMENT, OBLIGATION, OR HINDRENCE?

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INDULGENCE AND ITS ATTEMPT AT REMOVAL

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A CONSTRUCTED VIEW IS A LOBOTOMY?

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OUR DYSTOPIA; OUR BODY IS A VESSEL FOR ENDOSCOPY, PREGNANCY OF LIFE AND DEATH, A BODY WITHOUT ORGANS

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EGG THEORY

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